Over the years, and especially in 2021, I’ve seen many people post their goals publicly. It’s 1/31, and while it’s still technically January, I want to post my own goals for this year, and speak them into existence.

For obvious reasons, 2020 was tough, and the way that I dealt with it was by staying busy and withdrawing - especially from social media. There are many obvious reasons why social media can be toxic, and last year was no exception. In fact, it was exceptionally bad. With terms like “doom scrolling” coming about, my guess is that many feel the same way. On the other hand, social media, like any other tool can be used for good OR for bad, so here’s my attempt to use it in a good way this year.

Here are my goals for 2021. Truthfully, these were actually my goals for 2020, and I am a full year behind (and for some of the goals SEVERAL years behind) - but the time for being able to process was valuable. I mentioned that I stayed busy, but that kind of busyness was more for survival. This is a year of taking action for me. If you remember or care to do so, would you keep me accountable?

GOAL 1: START MY PODCAST AND CONTINUE FOR AT LEAST ONE YEAR

This isn’t my only goal, but it’s one of my biggest ones. I know that everyone these days has a podcast, and while there’s a side of me that is tempted to feel that the endeavor is less special since I’m hopping on the bandwagon so late - I had to search deeper and remember ‘why’ I wanted to do this in the first place. I share vision best by way of story, so if you’ll indulge me, here are two moments in my life I ignored the ‘spark’ that never quite went away.

In High School, I used to watch a lot of Korean TV. If you didn’t have Cable, what you had to do was rent VHS tapes (usually from a small section of your local Korean market) kind of like Blockbuster (which is the precursor to Netflix, for people who don’t know what that is :)). One program we watched every week was a talk show called “Sunday Night” (일요일 일요일 밤에). The host was great. Super sharp, witty, and funny. 주병진 for those who remember. It’s a lot like “The Tonight Show”, but it has its own Korean twist. This eventually led to my love for Conan O’brien, and if you know me at all, I LOVE Conan. In fact, if there’s anyone I’d ever want to spend one hour with if I ever got the chance, it would definitely be him.

In college, I moved onto what would become a much bigger passion - music. Again if you know me, you know the hang-ups and insecurities that I have about my voice, and the fact that I don’t love my singing voice. My dad, I believe being well-intentioned, didn’t find a lot of hope in a music career for me, so he tried to brainstorm and help me think of lots of other careers. Nothing really appealed to me, until that one moment he said, “What about doing something like 주병진 (the host from that Korean show), maybe I can pull some strings”? Some context: My dad was not in the entertainment industry himself, but in high school, his best friends were ones who went into entertainment. In fact, one of them is probably one of the best known actors in Korea: 최불암 (Choi Bool-Am). I mean, I don’t like to drop names, but if I’m gonna drop one, it’s that one. Of that group of friends, my dad was the singer. He was actually very good, and I regret that I never had the chance to record him sing. (I was just getting into recording at the time, and never made my way around to it). I could tell he always regretted not pursuing his dreams, and I think part of him actually wanted me to go entertainment as well, but ONLY if I had the goods. Otherwise, like any other parent, he wanted me to choose a path that was much more stable. All that said, I thought it was interesting that the ONE thing he seemed to support was this idea of become a TV personality. (He didn’t support me going into music, but that is a LONG story for another day). I never thought I possessed that kind of talent, so it was easy for me to brush it off and say “I could never do that”. But it wasn’t because I wasn’t interested.

Now here’s the 2nd crucial moment: Cut to 2006 after having a few years of a music career under my belt, but all of it coming to a screeching halt with the van fire where we lost everything we had built up to. It was traumatizing, and I stopped all together. The fact that I didn’t persist is one of my biggest regrets in life.

I was living by myself in the home I grew up in in Queens, while the rest of my family was living in California. Having the whole house to myself for a season, I had an idea. What if I set up the house to be a place where I can record my own small “talk show”. Nicer than Wayne’s World of course. More like an indie talk show in the vein of “Late night with Conan”, or “Sunday Night”, but more for artists/creatives who needed a platform, kind of like a stepping stone to the big stage. I could post these on my website, and also upload short clips to this new platform called “You Tube”? I mean, after all, I was mostly using my Youtube only to upload “music videos”. Why not post more interesting content? I literally texted my videographer at midnight and asked “you up?”, and I explained my vision to him. His response, “Sounds cool, but sounds like a LOT of work”. My internal dialog: I mean, yeah, but… wouldn’t it be worth it?? Hmm, I guess it really is a lot of work, and I’d just be in over my head. - OK, well - maybe it was a nice thought. Back to real life. The next day I applied to get a job at Starbucks, and that idea was abandoned as quickly as I dreamt it up.

You see where this is going. Years later, I find myself watching interviews on Youtube, listening to long form interviews on podcast. Videos OF podcasts on youtube. And I ask myself “Why, why didn’t I take action”? In these moments, I’m always reminded of the fact that it doesn’t matter if you have the idea. It’s not even STARTING something that matters. That’s hurdle #1. Once you start, you need to CONTINUE.

Cut to 2019. Even then, I thought, “I’m late to the game, but I’m just gonna go for it now”. And here, I’m about to describe my biggest enemy. I am finding that insecurity is just something that runs deep in me. It’s not really just about music, or my voice. I ESPECIALLY feel this way about my communication skills. In fact, the moments I dread the MOST are those 30 seconds of speaking right before I lead people in song at church on Sundays. Even though I didn’t think I had what it would take to have a podcast, I thought - well at least I have “editing on pro tools” on my side. I took a figurative deep breath, and I contacted my first guest to be on my podcast. What did I do w/ that episode? Nothing. It sat there on my computer for almost a year and a half. Why? Hearing myself back while editing, I couldn’t stand the way I talked. I wasn’t eloquent/articulate enough. I talked too much when I got nervous. I stuttered. I could never commit to a sentence once I started it, and couldn’t even complete a thought in a coherent way. I got over hurdle #1, which is to START, but I didn’t continue.

But back to the original “WHY”. Why, despite not feeling like I have what it takes, am I drawn back to this idea, again and again? Why am I so stubborn to tackle this thing I’m not good at? Is this like music all over again? Why can’t I just stay in my lane? In fact, what IS my lane? My conclusion is incredibly simple:

I’m created and wired to ‘connect’ with people.

I love learning about how people are so good at what they do. I love learning WHY people do what they do. I love finding the things we have in common, but also like being challenged by new perspectives.

Second, I thought about the term “fan”. The dictionary definition is boring: “a person who has a strong interest in or admiration for a particular person or thing”. The VERB definition for a LITERAL fan however, is interesting as you apply it to “being a fan of something/someone”!

“cool (especially a person or a part of the body) by waving something to create a current of air. "he fanned himself with his hat”
increase the strength of (a fire) by blowing on it or stirring up the air near it.

I never thought about it this way. Is THIS how the term ‘fan’ came about? I might not know the exact etymology, but it makes a lot of sense.

I find myself being a FAN of many things. Perhaps a bit too intense at times :) But if I am able to support someone by ‘increasing their strength’ by fanning them, well, that’s what I want to do. Especially for indie artists or people less known until they get to the point where they get to the bigger platform. But for once in my life, I would love to try to become that bigger platform for people. I no longer wish to be a stepping stone. If we don’t continue to learn and improve, we will not grow, and we will stay stuck. At the age of 43, with two little ones of my own, I need to ask the question: What do I want to model for my kids? Plateauing and only sticking to things I know how to do well? Or challenging myself and doing everything I possibly can with my potential? Though it is scary, embarrassing, and even painful at times, I am going to choose the latter.

I could just hear an even tempered friend saying to me now, “Koo, relax it’s just a podcast”. This is true. But I have always struggled with anxiety for as long as I can remember, so if you’ve gotten this far, I’m thankful you are a listening ear as I process. It truly DOES help me to process and break things down. This is a simple antidote to anxiety. Otherwise, everything is insurmountable and I stay paralyzed and stuck in inaction. My hope is that by drawing back the curtains a bit, that other people who might feel stuck can take courage as well to take a step towards growth.

All that to say, I’ve started recording the “KOOLIKEDAT” podcast, where I talk with guests that I am a big fan of (even if many of them are my friends). I want to work my way to talking with guests that feel like a big REACH for me right now. I will never know until I try. So….. Conan? Steven Curtis Chapman? Maybe one day :)

I’m happy to report that I already have a few episodes/interviews recorded, and just want to make sure I have ENOUGH recorded so that I can be a bit ahead of production. I am committing to a year, and I have so much more to say about the pod. In this case, I’m literally “speaking” my dream into existence, and can’t wait to share more about it.

GOAL 2: GET TO 158 BY MAY 2021

This one is not as exciting, but a goal nonetheless. At one point in my life, I was in the best shape of my life, thanks to Taylor Lee from Maven. While it felt amazing to feel and look the way I wanted to, it felt tough to maintain. Add a few shoulder/knee injuries to the mix, and then having kids, and wrestling with bouts of depression and anxiety. I slipped almost right back to the unhealthiest I’ve been in a long time. To Taylor’s credit, it took a long while for me to get that point again. In fact, it’s exactly how he described it might happen. What I mean by that is, if I was just on some kind of fad diet, I would have gained the weight back almost instantly if I didn’t have the good practices that Taylor taught and drilled into me. His program was not about quick weight loss, but an overall lifestyle change. But about 10 years after I started the program with Maven, I find myself almost back at my all time low (in terms of health). Again, thanks to Taylor, the thought of starting over again is not as daunting as I might have thought it to be prior to working with him.

Back in September 2020, I weighed 186, which was almost as heavy as I was when I started the program w/ Maven. Since then, I asked a friend to keep me accountable, and am happy to report that I’m down to 168. I’ve been exercising, and eating healthy - all except for two cheat meals a week.

My goal is 158 based on the heavy side of the ideal weight to be at my age and height. If I can get down to around 153 or so, even better - but I’m gonna be realistic :) You can keep me accountable if you’d like or even share some health tips! I’m always open to learning! I tried Keto, it wasn’t for me. I am just trying to eat “healthfully” in general, as Taylor used to say and exercise at least 3 times a week. I am also closing all of my RINGS on my apple watch, so if you want to join me on that journey, DM me on instagram or facebook and we can add each other! I’ll post in MAY if I hit my goal!

Outside of everything else happening in life, I feel like these are the two tangible goals I can really chew on without burning out. There are MORE things I want to do (like an acoustic EP on vinyl) :) Let’s see how I do w/ my first two!

With both goals, I’ll keep you posted (mostly through instagram until I can find a better medium), follow if you want to be part of the journey @koochung

I hope 2021 is a year for you to take courage as well - to step into growth, and to take action for everything you might have been putting off, but deep in your heart - you know you need to act upon. Thank you for taking the time to read, friends!